Human
by Well of Allsparks
Summary: For reasons that science cannot yet explain, the Autobots have found themselves human. In this vulnerable state, they only trust two humans to know what's happened; one that won't stop laughing and one that just wants to sleep. They show up on the Witwicky doorstep to hide from the government, but this is the last thing Sam wants to deal with on a Saturday morning. No shippings.
1. Sleeping

Once again, I'm going to shamelessly advertise for a story of mine I am giving particular interest in. It's currently got 18 chapters of varying sizes, split into 3 parts, and I've been working on it for years. I've revised it, babied it, and I'm still working on it. However, I feel like I'm reaching the climax and very soon, I'll be wanting someone to proof read it. If you're interested, PM me and I'll give you a bit more information. I just don't want to give much about it away yet.

Anyways. I dedicate this story to the weekends, the teenagers, and the bed. I hope you like it. I don't own Transformers.

* * *

The beauty of unconsciousness, the majesty of a warm bed, and the bliss of unused muscles. All of this is the magic of Saturday morning, when you can wake just enough to appreciate all of these things, but remain just far enough away from consciousness to keep them.

And so it was intended to stay from hours eight to twelve. It was a common agreeance amongst myself and the other two inhabitants of this house; I was to remain undisturbed on this fine morning, every week, and they were to remain safe from the headache that was promised to ensue should they wake me.

A loud crash from downstairs had me jolting upright, breaking two of the three components to the perfect morning. There were loud voices, a door opening and closing, and then more voices.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Mom isn't throwing another of her 'book club' parties?! No, not at _this_ hour. What time is it anyways? I grabbed my alarm clock and glared at the three digits there. Nine. Fifty. Nine.

I grumbled and laid back down, pulling the blanket up over my face.

"SAM!" Mom yelled from below. "SAM! GET DOWN HERE! WE HAVE GUESTS!"

I ignored her. She can entertain her own friends. Leave me out of this. Oh, good. More commotion. After a moment, things went silent and I began to relax. Maybe I can try this again, though the whole unused muscles thing had already gone.

"SAM! GET DOWN HERE! THEY'RE HERE FOR YOU!" Mom broke the silence again. For me? Come on. Miles doesn't know I'm home for the break, and Mikaela was in Oregon with her dad. Leave me alone... "SAM!"

I groaned and rolled out of bed, stumbling into pants and falling into the wall. There was talking downstairs, and I bit my tongue. "Shoot." I cursed, blinking all the fog out of my eyes. The pain in my back subsided the instant it happened, but now my tongue was throbbing. See? I don't need to get out of bed at this hour. Bad things happen when I leave bed at an hour like this.

Just as I was about to finally reach for the doorknob, it twisted and was yanked open. The next instant, I was flat on my back on the ground with my arm in the air, two hands gripped around my forearm. I blinked the stars out of my eyes, just like I had the fog, and realized there was a kid on top of me, poking and prodding, babbling.

"-hit something, there was a thump, and you didn't come out. What happened?"

I stared upwards at the kid, with bright yellow hair and a black shirt under a yellow hoodie. He'd released one arm and had a hand over my forehead.

"Sam! Answer me!" He looked panicked.

I blinked again, unable to push the over-concerned kid off me.

"Bumblebee?"

"Good, you can still talk. How many fingers am I holding up?" He held up his other hand, with three fingers.

I shook myself out of it and knocked him away. "Let me up. What's going on here? Is that _you?_ "

"Don't get up. You could have a concussion!" He complained. I grunted and managed to escape this crazy kid's grasps. He stared at me, worried, while I stood there with my hands outstretched to keep him from attacking me again.

"Bumblebee? You've got to be kidding me. What's happening here?" I demanded.

"Are you alright? I heard a thump, and then you didn't come out!"

"Bumblebee, I'm alright. I'm fine." I rolled my eyes. "It looks like you're the one we should be concerned about. Why are you human? What the _slag_ is going on? Why are you human?"

"Ah..." He laughed, scratching his head. "About that... I don't know."

"SAM!" Mom shouted up the stairs again, and Bumblebee flinched.

"Maybe we should go downstairs?" He looked nervous.

"Right." I eyed him. There's no way Mom would realize what was going on, and there's no way she'd let a stranger up here to where her son was. What did you do?

As I practically rolled down the stairs, I seen a few other unfamiliar people. One, a man taller than my father, was gripping the top of a baseball bat my mom was holding, obviously trying to chase Bumblebee up the stairs moments ago.

"Let me go. Who are you people? What do you want with my son?" She ranted. There was an older man standing back, amused, and the man holding the top of the bat was obviously unsure on what to do. He looked so nervous, it was actually kind of humorous.

We rounded the corner, and Mom just dropped the bat.

"Oh, Sammy! Are you alright? Who are these people?" She demanded.

I shrugged, glancing to the six unfamiliar people in the room. "Never seen them before in my life."

"Sam-" the tallest began in a voice just as familiar as the kid with yellow hair that was currently bouncing behind me, nervous.

"I say we take this to court. Breaking and entering, what do you say?" I looked to Optimus Prime... the human. He gave me an odd look, as if he wasn't sure if I actually got this or not. I smirked, and he shook his head.

But Ratchet was not in the mood for these games.

"Cut this out, Samuel. This is not the time for this." He walked up and wacked my head.

"Hey!" Mom objected, grabbing the bat out of Optimus's still raised hand. He blinked in surprise, having loosened his grip.

"Chill, Mom." I urged. "Calm down. Alright? I do know these guys. So do you. Well, not very well, I guess. You only met once, right? Ah.. except..." I glanced back at Bumblebee.

"Sam." Dad barked. "Out with it."

"Uh, well, they're the Autobots. Except, they're human for some reason, but they're the Autobots."

"No. Seriously, Sam." Mom scoffed, glancing at them.

"I am serious. Look, that's Bee." I pointed over to my guardian, who, as a human, wasn't much older than me and was obviously eager from some reason. "See? You can tell, can't you? He's yellow... and ..."

"Hyper?" Ironhide provided, smirking at Bee, who promptly punched him in the arm.

"And that's Ironhide! You know, the one that nearly blasted you with the canon?" I pointed. "They're the Autobots."

"And ... why are they human?" Mom lowered her voice, as if worried they might hear.

"Actually, that might be best explained if we're all sitting down." Optimus spoke up. "But, the government is under the impression we've left Earth. Our arrival here is a very quiet situation."

"Uh... how did you get here?" I had to ask, realizing that if they are human, they didn't just transform and drive here. And, I somehow doubted any of them could drive.

Sideswipe coughed and Sunstreaker shifted. "We'd rather not talk about that."

There was a knock on the door and I raised an eyebrow. Neither twin looked like they wanted me to, but I went over to answer it. Standing in the doorway was... William Lennox.

"Sorry I was late. I had to... ah... fix something." He glared past me to the twins. They moved to hide behind Ironhide, who stepped out of the way with a smirk.

"Come on in." I sighed, shaking my head. "Alright, so _what_ ' _s_ happening here?"

"Samuel, due to a series of events having to do with a recent Decepticon attack and our own ignorant actions taken towards repairs... we have become organic." Optimus explained as I shut the door behind Will.

"You don't say?" I stared at them all again. That didn't exactly answer all of my questions, but, it was a start.

"Alright, then." Mom was unsure, but reluctantly put down her bat. I'm so glad I did T-Ball as a kid so she'd have a terrifying weapon. "Ah... let's all sit down?"

Dad quickly claimed his arm chair, eyeing the others distrustfully. He never seemed particularly distrustful of them, but he did love his arm chair.

There was only the couch and Mom's chair left. She sat down there, not quite as distrustfully as Dad had, and the Autobots just stood around awkwardly. I decided to step forward and motion for them to take the couch. Only four of them fit, leaving Ratchet, who didn't want the twins to get into mischief and gave them his spot, Will, who just shook his head when offered a spot, and Bumblebee standing with me.

Ratchet half-sat on one arm, to keep an eye on the twins, while Bee and I just sat cross-legged on the ground in front of the couch. Will remained standing.

"So... what's happened?" Mom initiated conversation.

"Just as Prime put it." Ratchet decided to answer. "After a recent Decepticon attack, they'd infected us. This isn't the first time this happened, so I intended to treat the infection the same way I had before. Only, I had failed to analyze it's chemical composition first, and thus, we are organic."

"Then what happened? I'm assuming there's a reason you're all here?" I pursued. I had my back to my parents, facing them all.

"The change happened during the night. So we were able to leave behind a transmission to the government to make it appear as if we'd left the planet on an emergency mission. It was unanimous that the best course of action was to avoid the government and their conferences while we are in this state."

"Yeah, I could see that." I agreed with Prime. He went on.

"Especially while we were still unused to these forms, we saw fit to seek out a civilian asylum in order to remain under the government's radar for the time being." He gestured about to my house.

"Judy, you're always complaining we never get to use the guest bed." Dad mused, amused by all this.

"One guest bed! You can't all stay here!" Mom objected. "There's only _one_ guest bed!"

"Calm down." Will put up his hands. "They can't come to my house. Mine isn't exactly off the government's radar."

"And why are _you_ here?" Mom rounded on him. "I especially don't have enough space for all them and you."

"Oh, I won't be staying. I'm just here because none of them can drive." He laughed. "I'm sorry, but this is just hilarious."

"No it's not." Sideswipe grumbled. About then, I realized why the three of them were argueing.

"So you're leaving me to babysit a bunch of new humans?" I moaned. "Come on, have a heart."

"Samuel." Ratchet leveled me with a glare. I pointed towards him.

"Especially him!"

"Bumblebee." Ratchet turned his gaze to the kid sitting next to me. I keep calling him 'kid' because he was way younger than all the others. I hadn't actually expected that- him being so much younger than the others. Even the twins were at least twenty-five.

After a suspiciously little amount of hesitation, Bumblebee punched _me_ in the arm. I punched him back.

Mom sighed at the same time Optimus did.

"We only came here, because we understood that Samuel would assist us. But if it is of too much of an inconvenience-"

"No." I answered for my parents, not really caring what they had to say in the matter. "You guys can stay. Of course."

"Sam." Mom objected.

"Well, it's not like they'd be bad 'house guests'." I pointed out. "Well, those two might have to sleep in the garage, but still." I pointed at the twins.

"Aw, even you're picking on us today?" Sideswipe objected.

"This is a wise decision." Ratchet mused.

"Yeah, 'cause if we had to go find somewhere else, we were taking the kid anyways." Ironhide laughed.

"Kidnap." Bumblebee whispered in a creepy voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Are we good then? Everything settled?" I asked, getting to my feet. "Nice. Then I'm going back to bed. It's Saturday." I started to mumble, walking out.

"Hey! We want to see your room!" Sideswipe jumped up, racing after me. When he nearly knocked me down, obviously not used to being human yet, Bumblebee was there instantly to stand between us with a suspicious glare. And, naturally, Sunny was on Sideswipe's tail.

"Hold on here-" I started, putting my hands up when I realized they were _all_ following me. "Who said you could follow me?"

"I've had standing suspicions of your health during your off time." Ratchet eyed me carefully. "I'm keeping an optic on you."

"Yea, no. No you aren't. And what do _you_ want?" I pointed at Ironhide. He was just grinning, Will beside him with an identical grin.

"We want to see the fight." They both answered.

"What fight? Hey, no! What are you doing?!" I jumped back when the twins started wrestling over who went up the stairs first. "Cut it out!"

"I'm going grocery shopping." Mom announced, eager to escape. "We'll need it."

"Hold on, I'm coming too." Dad rushed, not wanting to be left behind.

That's about how, thirty minutes later, we were all in my room. I was sitting on the bed, having abandoned peace and quiet, listening to them all going about my room.

"It looks smaller from outside." Ironhide had his head stuck out the window. Will had gone home with a very helpful, 'good luck' soon after my parents left.

"This is disgusting, Samuel. No wonder your sanitation is always lack when you return to the base." Ratchet was pinching a dirty shirt I'd had on the ground in the 'laundry' pile.

"What is _that_?" Sideswipe was poking at something or another on my shelf.

"Can I have this?" Sunstreaker had taking a liking to my model of a yellow lamborghini... exactly like his alt form. It was a Christmas present from him.

"Leave that alone." Optimus was reprimanding Sideswipe. "No, you can't have anything of Samuels." He answered Sunstreaker for me. Then he continued to _try_ and rein the others in. "Bring your head inside, Ironhide, and shut the window. Ratchet... no, Samuel, that is disgusting."

At least Bumblebee wasn't pilfering my room. He sat cross-legged beside me, looking around curiously.

"We're guests here, please have some self control." Optimus was getting exasperated.

"I'm practically a guest here too." I sighed. "Thanks for trying, Prime."

He shook his head and crossed his arms, looking over to me. "I apologize, Samuel."

"Don't. I don't expect anything else here." I yawned dejectedly.

"It's nearly ten thirty, Samuel. You shouldn't be so terribly rested." Ratchet objected, abandoning his criticism of the room I barely stayed in anymore. He pulled me off the bed and started poking and what-not. "It's driving me insane not to have my scanners. And we had to leave the field ones at the base. Are you sick? Where is one of those heated-sticks humans use to measure internal body temperature?"

"I'm not sick." I moaned. "It's Saturday, Ratchet. Friday you're supposed to stay up late, and Saturday morning you're supposed to sleep in late."

"Your logic is moot." He dead-panned. Bumblebee started laughing. "You require sufficient rest, and if you cannot do this on your own, then you'll have to retire earlier."

"Ratchet." I moaned.

"Where's the stick?" He questioned, grabbing my arm and hauling me towards the door.

"I'm _not_ sick." I tried to pull away. "Help!"

"Ratchet." Optimus came to my rescue. "Leave the boy alone. We need to analyze the situation, and the sooner we begin, the better. Is there anywhere we can set up a workplace?" He looked to me. I thought a minute, knowing it had to be inside. But... we don't have space for something like that, at least, not where Mom would approve.

"The garage." Bumblebee suggested. "Since I don't have to stay in there, there's space."

"Oh, right." I nodded. "The garage. Come on."

When my parents came home, suspiciously later than absolutely necessary, Ratchet and Optimus were in the garage while the twins were watching a movie with Ironhide. They were all thoroughly disappointed in the selection of movies, and chose the one movie Mom and Dad had that they knew; Star Trek.

I was with Bumblebee in the kitchen, getting the full story with all the juicy details. From the battle (resulting from a Decepticon sighting that had been the reason Bee hadn't been here to begin with) to the headache-worthy drive down here full of six newly-human Autobots and a highly amused soldier.

"Why is my stomach making noise?" Sideswipe poked himself as we walked back in to greet my parents.

"It's the borborygmi, or contractions of the stomach and small intestine." Ratchet answered.

"Gross." I wrinkled my nose.

"Then it isn't true?" Ratchet challenged.

"I don't care if it's true. That's gross." I shook my head. "You're hungry." I decided to answer Sideswipe's question in a more normal way.

"I hadn't been hungry at all yesterday." Sideswipe objected, frowning.

"Humans have to eat more often than we do." Bumblebee rolled his eyes. "Do you think Sam disappears off to the mess hall three times a day for fun?"

"Actually, I do that because I'm scared of Ratchet if I didn't." I admitted. I promptly recieved a _wack_ upside my head.

"I'm starting dinner now." Mom carried several bags into the kitchen. Dad was just walking outside to grab some more. Chances are, they got a _whole_ lot more than usual. Usual being for two people, now being for nine.

Optimus walked inside then, carrying more bags. "Could I help you in anyway, Judy? I do not want any of our being here to inconvenience you."

"Oh, no. You're fine." She looked surprised. "Sam, why aren't you this considerate? You know how many times I've asked you to help me with dinner?"

"Or to clean your room?" Dad was coming back in.

"I get it." I threw my hands up. "It's disgusting."

Ratchet gave me a smirk, following my father in, only without the bags. "That sounds rather familiar."

"I'm sure it does." I sighed.

"My stomach is making noises now too." Sunstreaker complained. "It's like I've got a broken gear or something. It's creeping me out."

"Do you want me to distract you?" Ironhide questioned, punching his palm.

"You hurt him, I will kill you." Ratchet gave his death glare, just as effective as a human as it is when he's a giant alien robot. "I don't have any equipment here. I don't even have Teletraan!" He was obviously frustrated.

I sighed, standing back. This is difficult for them; they aren't used to being so small and organic. It's probably hardest on Ratchet. He relied heavily on his scans and what not, being the medic he was. Maybe I can help, at least a little bit.

"Hey, Ratchet." I stepped up to him, as his argument with Ironhide started to turn towards an argument between Ironhide and Sideswipe again. He turned to give me a threatening look. 'This better be good', it said.

"What, Samuel?"

"Come with me a minute." I invited. He looked skeptic that this wouldn't be a waste of his time, but followed me back up the stairs nevertheless. I lead him back into my room, where it was quieter. The silence seemed to put him more at ease; he's used to being able to lock himself in his med bay when someone pissed him off.

"What is it?" He demanded after a minute of me kicking through various piles of debris. "I don't want to leave Sunstreaker and Sideswipe unsupervised for so long. It was my _intention_ that we would leave you and your parents will a still-functioning house."

"Don't worry about them. Prime can handle them, and you know how my Mom is."

"Judy would be a fiercom addition to the Autobots." He agreed. I snorted. "Is there a reason you brought me up here, or did you want to irritate me further with your organization?"

"Look, I've barely used this room since high school." I defended myself. "It's never really been high on my 'need to do' list. Ah! Here it is!" I pulled my bag from under the bed. After I got here last night, I'd sort of just dropped it and fell into bed. I must have kicked it under, or someone else had. "You know I've got this. I use it all the time at the base. I figure it might make things a little bit easier. At the very least." I pulled my laptop out and held it out to him.

He stared at it, then raised an eyebrow at me. "And you'll just hand it over to me? If I'm not mistaken, you nearly threw a fit when Mikaela borrowed it last month."

"Yeah, well..." I shifted nervously, "She's not all that much into technology and... I thought she might break it. But I don't figure you'd have any problem, right? You, Prime, Bee... I'm not so sure about Ironhide..."

"And the twins won't come near it." He actually smiled at me as he took the 6.5 inch black laptop. "Thank you, Samuel."

"You're welcome." I shifted again. I don't actually just hang out with him very often. Most of our encounters concern reluctant check ups, which ended when he'd confirmed that my wrist had completely healed after Egypt. I've never actually seen him in a good mood. "Do you want the password?" I asked as we started back down.

I heard a snort behind me. "You say that as if I didn't already know."

"How do you know my password?" I looked back at him as I went down the steps, back towards chaos. He gave me a look.

"Eight key strokes, in intervaled halves of the keyboard through most of it, and a reflected pattern halfway through. The first letter being that of your left hand with an extended little finger, I wouldn't be doing my job it I didn't notice details."

I looked forward again, almost blushing at realizing he knew my password. I wonder if the others did too? Well, I had actually hoped to change it before I told him what it was. But, he didn't give me any grief on what the word actually was. He barely seemed to notice it at all.

Back downstairs, Ratchet claimed a corner of the couch and started to hack my laptop. He took a moment to get used to the differences between it and his own node of Teletraan-1, but being Ratchet, he didn't have much of a problem.

" _Saaaam_." Ironhide plopped down on my other side, as I'd decided to sit and help Ratchet get the hang of my laptop. The only thing that seemed to bother him so far was the swiping from the sides of the touchpad to bring up different screens. It actually irritated him so bad I had to show him where to turn it off. Human computers were built very differently than theirs.

"What?" I responded mildly, turning to see him.

"I'm bored. What are you supposed to do here? Don't you have any weapons here?" He was practically whining.

"No. Remember? Bee doesn't like me using weapons."

"Then what do you do all day?" He complained.

"Sleep." I stared at him seriously.

"Come on..."

"I don't know. Go... help Mom fix dinner or something." I couldn't honestly imagine it; Ironhide in the kitchen _cooking_. Yeah... I just don't see it.

" _Saaaam_. Aren't there any games?" He whined.

"Find some way to amuse yourself." Ratchet snapped at him. "Or you can prepare wherever it is Samuel intends for us to recharge."

"Uhhhg." Ironhide moaned and slouched where he was. He was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Ratchet, on my other side, was wearing more professional clothing that somehow made it obvious it was him. Optimus was wearing strangely normal clothes, which for some reason really surprised me. Jeans and a plain shirt with a jacket. There's no way I'd say he's such a great, important person if I didn't know him.

Ratchet eyed Ironhide, but when the weapons' specialist remained subdued, he went back to his work on the computer. Already he was getting into things and doing calculations and analysis-things I didn't understand.

I looked around the room and into the kitchen from where I was, wondering if this were too good to be true; Bumblebee was helping in the kitchen since he already knew how things went here and the twins had actually settled down with a deck of cards Mom had found for them. Optimus had gone out to the garage, and no one was hanging on me!

I stood up, taking a couple steps out of the room. No one paid me attention. I made it to the stairs without incident, and I even had my door closed without the sound of my name being called or footsteps thundering after me.

I let out a grateful sigh and dove under the blankets, freezing when my bed squeaked. But I was still in the free, able to thankfully return to my bed.

"I told you I'd be back, beautiful." I mused, drawing circles in the sheets. "You know I missed you."

* * *

This will have two chapters, but I won't publish the chapter 2 that I've already written. I'm writing a new one, and no promise on when that will come out. I'm not publishing the original second chapter because I've got Sam and Bee in the same bed, and for most of the human population, that simply can't be handled. I don't ship it. I've shared a bed with my sister, with my brother, with my best friend- not all at the same time -and it's normal. Nevertheless, people are going to ship it and this isn't a story I ship them in. I don't actually ship them like that at all. I 'ship' them in something called 'moirails'. If you don't know what that is, look it up.


	2. Waking

So, here is my Christmas present; the final part of this story. And I realize that probably, I'll be asked for more. Honestly, the way I write, I might do another oneshot to sequel this or just continue it. I literally write wherever inspiration strikes. I reread old stuff and think, hey! I could put this here! So there might be more eventually. I just have no particular plan to do so, and thus this story is now complete.

A small note, I decided I really don't care. I don't ship BeexSam, but if anyone takes it that way, I honestly don't care. I know people will, but my only rebuttal... I share a bed with my best friends all the time. So whatever. And I sort of selfishly love platonic fluff more than any other kind of fluff, and in my opinion, there simply isn't enough of it. Platonic is the best. That's really all there is to say on the matter.

I don't own Transformers, and I really hope you like this chapter.

* * *

I woke up later that evening after what could only have been a one or two hour nap. I'm surprised it lasted that long, actually.

Rolling over and pulling the blankets over my head with a deep sense of deja vu, I tried to block out whatever had woken me this time. I was no longer tired at all, but I love this bed. I love it so much, I don't want to leave again.

Then the bed shifted. I froze, opening my eyes and staring at the sheets over my face. Taking a quick analysis of my position and the weights on my bed, I concluded that there was someone sitting at the foot of it, to my left and probably leaning against the wall.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shoved my feet downwards, kicking whoever it was off.

"Sam!" A familiar voice objected.

"MMmmhpfmm." I mumbled incoherently. I heard him get to his feet and walk around to the head of the bed.

"What was that for? I was just sitting here!" Bumblebee complained.

"My bed." Came my answer.

I could practically _hear_ him roll his eyes. "Seriously?"

"Get your own."

"Sam." He scoffed, and ruthlessly stole my blankets. Hey!

I lunged after them, tackling him to the ground and satisfying my sense of self-defence before pulling back and stretching, yawning.

"Feel better?" Bumblebee demanded, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm good. What's going on? Why are you hiding in here?" I asked, looking around for the clock. Yeah, it's only six, so what's up? I only took a half hour nap.

He shrugged. "Why are you? Optimus and your mother are negotiating sleeping arrangements right now. But it all depends on how many of us your Mom can get away with stuffing in here."

"None?" I wondered, but scratched my neck. "Oh, I don't mind. Just depends on who. Do any of you snore? No, you wouldn't even know probably." Sure I love my personal space, but I want to do everything I can to help them out. I don't want them all cramped up in the living room, or anything. And the garage isn't actually a good idea at night; it gets cold. I would know. I slept out there a couple times when I was out late with Bee and too lazy to go back inside.

"Well, come on then. They're upset you came up here to hide this whole time." Bumblebee got up and unlocked the door. I see. He's probably in here to make sure no one else came in and woke me up. He, at least, is somewhat familiar with the sanctity of Saturday mornings.

Someone dumped a bowl of whatever had been for dinner in my lap after I sat down-I didn't pay attention to who -and I gave a general greetings to them all. I didn't actually pay attention to who all was in here, actually. Definitely not everyone.

"Sammy, would it be alright if one or two of them slept in your room?" Mom asked, sitting back down. Was it her that gave me the food?

I shrugged. "Depends on who. Bumblebee? Yeah. I'm alright with him." I swung the spoon in his general direction.

"I trust the twins to better behave themselves in the guest bedroom than any other option." Optimus mused, crossing his arms. "It's been agreed that the two of them will share that room. And Judy has offered a cot and this couch, and if you were alright with it, she says the cot would have the most room in your bedroom."

I nodded. "Sure." Taking another bite, I did the math in my head. The twins are either sharing that bed- which isn't weird because they are twins -and two of them are taking the cot and the couch. That leaves two more. "Who's staying on the couch?"

"Ironhide." Optimus answered.

"Hey, where is he?" I looked around. He and the twins weren't in here, which explained why my first impression of the room was that it was emptier than before.

"He and the twins are in the garage, assisting Ratchet." Optimus glanced out the window.

"Alright, so who else is in my room? You or Ratchet staying out here with Ironhide?" I took another bite.

"I'm going to bring out some blankets for the couch and one of the chairs." Mom stated. "Optimus here insists on taking the chair."

"Of course." I rolled my eyes.

"What?" Optimus raised an eyebrow, smirking at my antics.

"Nothing, O great and gracious leader." I laughed. The chair will be the most uncomfortable, so of course Optimus would insist upon taking that one.

Prime laughed with me, but didn't deny anything.

"How long do you think this is going to last? Do you have any idea?" I turned to Optimus and Bee.

"From what we understand so far, it will ware off with time. But that time is unknown. It could be anywhere between one night and an entire cycle. If we can learn more about this condition, we can artificially speed up the process and pinpoint exactly how long." Optimus sighed. "William will be keeping us informed about the happenings on the base while we are gone."

"Good, good."

Ratchet was already sitting on the cot, still on my laptop with the cord stretching toward the wall, charging it when we came in. I pursed my lips and looked around the room, dropping my day's clothes into the laundry pile.

Ratchet stopped typing and looked up at me critically. "Samuel."

"What?" I asked innocently. He narrowed his eyes and I sighed, giving in. "Fine. Fine." Crouching down to scoop the entire pile up, I glanced towards Bumblebee. Bee pushed the door back open for me, so I could walk down the hall and dump the pile into the laundry hamper. When I came back, Ratchet had returned to his original position. I wonder if he's going to be doing that all night?

But then another thing came back to mind. I hadn't been sure which of them was going to take the cot, but I also remember that we only have one cot. And there's two extra bodies in this room.

"So... were are you supposed to sleep?" I asked Bee.

He shrugged and threw his borrowed blanket on the floor in the larger space between the cot and the bed. He kicked some of the other random stuff I had laying around my room out of the way and gestured.

I frowned, but shrugged, slipping into the bed. Bee shut the lights off, glancing toward Ratchet to make sure he wasn't going to yell at him for doing that. But Ratchet didn't say anything.

Bee laid down on the floor and I put my back to both of them. The light from the laptop and the sound of typing wasn't avoidable, however. After a couple minutes, I turned back over and looked to see Ratchet still hadn't moved an inch.

"Are you going to go to sleep?" I wondered.

"It isn't my fault your resting periods begin sooner than mine." He answered without looking up.

Bumblebee looked up at me, thinking the same thing I was. He grinned and nodded. I winked and looked back to Ratchet.

"Yeah, humans really have a longer sleeping cycle than Cybertronians, don't they? Kind of sucks. You of all mechs know that, right?"

Ratchet's typing faltered and he glanced over at me, glaring. "I know exactly what you're implying, Samuel. I have work to do."

"I'm not the one that keeps saying humans need more sleep than Cybertronians. You don't want to be a hypocrite, do you?"

He glared, and turned back to his work. I sighed and layed back on my back, staring at the ceiling.

A moment later, the laptop clicked closed and the cot squeaked under the stress of someone laying down over it. I smiled and glanced back over at Ratchet, who now had his eyes closed and laid flat on his back, his arms folded over his stomach. He could already be asleep, the way he looked.

Movement on the floor caught my attention now, and I looked back over at Bee. He grinned at me, laying on his side. "Sleepover."

I snorted. "Right."

"It's like in the garage, except the opposite." He mused.

"Not really-"

"For pit's sake!" Ratchet outburst, ruining our assumption that whispering means he can't hear us. "Get in the bed already, Bumblebee!"

"Excuse me?" I practically sat up.

"How many times have you fallen asleep in the recreational room on Bumblebee? Get over it and go to sleep." He didn't even open his eyes to snap at us.

I looked back down at the ground to see Bumblebee shrugging.

"But... it's my bed." I whimpered, embracing the blankets around me like some precious child. Laughing and shaking my head, I rolled over against the wall. "Whatever."

The kid of a human-Autobot slipped in and fell asleep before I ever did. Ratchet snored lightly within ten minutes and Bumblebee stretched out on his stomach. At least he didn't snore. Oh well.

The next morning, I woke up with my arm twisted uncomfortably down the crack between the bed and the wall, and my face pressed up against said wall. With a groan, I extracted my arm and rolled my shoulder, feeling the sore muscles from sleeping that way for who knows how long. My neck was sore, and I probably had a big red spot on my cheek now.

However, when I tried to lay in a more comfortable position, I was met with resistance. There was already someone in that position, in the middle of the bed, stretched out like he owned it. So the only thing I accomplished by fleeing the wall was rolling halfway on top of my best friend.

I rolled back again- too much rollin for this early in the morning -and angled myself to kick the kid out of my bed again. But, thinking better of it when Ratchet gave me a look, I instead just kicked him far enough over for me to even sit comfortably. Bumblebee grunted, but didn't even stir. Once that was done, I looked back over to Ratchet, who seemed to have been awake for hours already. He was setting the folded-up cot against the wall and clearing my desk off for space to sit and use the laptop.

"What time is it?" I asked, frowning. "How long have you been up?"

"It's nearly nine in the morning, and I've only just woken." He passed off.

"Right." I layed back down to stretch. When no one said anything else, I sat back up and tried to figure out how to get out of here. The only way I'm leaving the room is by crawling over bed-hog over here. Not that I mind, I wanted to kick him off the bed again.

Amazingly, he was still asleep after getting a knee to the ribs. I've never known him to be such a heavy sleeper before. Weird.

Exiting the bathroom a few minutes later, I went down the stairs out of curiosity. Dad works early on Sundays, but Mom was up talking with Ironhide. Those two were near the last I expected to make casual conversation, until I realized Ironhide was instructing her on household weapons. Apparently her favorite bat wasn't the most efficient weapon she could have chosen.

"Ron has some golf clubs in the back room." She suggested.

"That's better, but are you strong enough to swing something that heavy?" He asked.

"I don't know. There's different weight ones in there." She thought.

"No." I moaned, coming up behind the couch. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Well you're up early." Mom mused, surprised to see me.

"Sam, if we had been burglars, she would have only taken one of our knee caps out before we'd taken her down." Ironhide insisted.

"Wow. Alright, I don't need that image. If she had a gun, she wouldn't have taken down six intruders." I shook my head, disbelieving this was actually happening. "Stop encouraging her, Ironhide."

But he seemed to take my words seriously, nodding solumly and thinking. Then, he turned to Mom agan. "Judy, do you use hairspray?"

"Um, not usually. But on special occasions..."

"Do you have any lighte-"

"No!" I cut him off, terrified by the image of my Mom brandishing a makeshift napalm gun. "Stop it. The baseball bat is fine against regular people. Anyone worse than that, that's why we have Bumblebee."

"What if the Decepticons try to take us to use against you again, Sammy? Your father and I don't want to be in that situation again." She insisted.

"You and Bee ain't always around." Ironhide agreed.

I swear, I'd rather see my mother with a _gun_ than setting hairspray on fire. But just because I knew how unlikely that would be- since Bee's bugged the house to let us know of any Decepticon in the area even if we aren't there -I put my arms up and gave up.

"Fine. If you find yourself having to fight off a freakin' Decepticon, grab the hairspray. Whatever. But for no one else."

"Alright, sweetheart." Mom pat my arm assuringly, clearly trying to pacify me and obviously lying.

I shook my head again, wanting to flee the scene as quickly as possible. I rushed towards the kitchen, trying desperately to not image the entire house on fire and the police questioning Mom on the front lawn.

The kitchen was inhabited already too. Both of the twins were sticking their heads in the refrigerator, completely ignorant of my presence. I let the cabinet shut loudly when I grabbed some poptarts. One of them hit their head on the freezer as they both pulled out quickly to stare at me.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

"Lighting the house on fire with hairspray." Sideswipe answered straight-faced.

"You do that, you're beyond dead." I pointed the toaster pastries at them both.

"I was just looking for food." Sunstreaker put his arms up.

"I don't care. I'm watching you." I went for the toaster.

"Hey, Sam. Are Bee and Ratchet up yet?" Sunstreaker asked, coming closer while Sideswipe returned to the fridge.

"Ratchet is, he's still working on whatever on my computer. No idea what he's doing. But Bumblebee's sleeping like a log." I wrinkle my nose.

"Yeah, good luck waking him up." Sunstreaker laughed, before sniffing in the air. My poptarts were starting to spread their beautiful aroma from their fiery cubbies. "What's that? Is it good?"

"Poptarts; the breakfast of champions." I retorted, but looked at him weird. "Bumblebee's always a real light sleeper."

"Are we talking about the same scout here?" He questioned.

"Bumblebee, the little yellow camaro that calls himself my guardian." I pinched my fingers to exaggerate.

"That's because he _is_ your guardian." Sideswipe scoffed like we were both stupid. "Of course he wakes up for you. All you've got to do is walk into the room or say 'ow' within fifty yards of him."

"Right." Sunny nodded in agreeance, realization dawning on his face. "Got his guardian senses tingling every time we kidnapped you. Ha. Humans don't have those, so good luck waking him up now."

The toaster popped and a hand shot out to grab my poptarts. Before I could blink, both the twins were out of the room and complaining about how hot they were. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a new package. Well that makes sense. I knew about those 'guardian senses' already, but I guess I never realized that without them, Bee's such a heavy sleeper.

Back in the living room with a plate to hold my piping hot breakfast, giving a smug look to the twins when I leisurely ate mine without getting burns, I realized my headcount was one short. Assuming Bumblebee and Ratchet are still in my room, that leaves one Autobot unaccounted for. However, out of all those that could go unaccounted for, at least Prime is the most trustworthy.

"Where's Optimus?" I asked curiously, sitting in Dad's chair.

"He went out to the garage earlier." Ironhide filled in easily. "Practically the moment he was up."

"Oh. Well, there's like four boxes of poptarts in there if you're hungry." I told him, getting back up. I started upstairs with my plate, despite the look of disapproval Mom gave me.

Back in my room, Bumblebee was stretched out over the bed again and Ratchet was so intent on what he was doing he either didn't notice me come in or was ignoring me.

"What are you doing?" I asked. It doesn't even look like my computer anymore. There were Cybertronian characters everywhere, and the computer set up was completely alien.

"I've hacked Teletraan's remove servers. Your computer was already predispositioned as an access point."

Well that's new.

"Awesome. So what are you doing now?"

He gave me an irritated look. Right. No hovering. "Attempting to reach all the data we'd already collected from the infectious substance."

"Sweet." I backed off, leaving him alone. Instead, I set the plate down and went to grab my shoes. Pushing Bumblebee over far enough to sit on the bed, I crouched over to put them on. With my now-empty plate in hand and shoes on my feet, I glanced back into my room. Bumblebee, not making a sound and not moving an inch, looked like he could have passed out instead of just being asleep. Ratchet was typing and scrolling, getting an aura of irritation slowly growing around him. Whatever he's doing, he's clearly not having any luck.

No one paid me any mind as I dropped the plate off and slipped out the front door.

I knocked on the garage door before opening it up. Optimus had his sleeves rolled up and was working on something they seemed to have brought with them, because I've never seen it before. But he looked like your average guy working on something in his garage... ignoring the fact that something was obviously alien.

"Good morning Samuel." He greeted.

"Hey there. They said you've been out here a while already, any luck yet?" I asked, sitting on some crate full of gardening supplies.

"Perhaps. But my proposal is purely theoretical until Ratchet can retrieve the data recorded on our transformations already." He mused, leaning back to look at the device.

"What is that, then?" I wondered.

"Remnants of the device that had contaminated our systems to begin with. We don't have much to analyze it with, but Ratchet had conducted an extensive analysis on it beforehand. We just hadn't looked into the results much before." He reached over to pick up a tupperware container from the kitchen that Mom must have given him. It was filled about a centimeter with a sort of slimy, clear-green substance.

"Is that the stuff?"

He nodded. "Thankfully, there were remnants in the containment unit here." He pointed down a twisted path that was jagged and obviously broken apart during some explosion.

"Well, it looked like he was pretty close." I mused. "Do you need any help?"

He paused, looking the device over before handing the tupperware full of goo to me. "Can you bring that in to Ratchet?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

"And Samuel?" I paused at the door, looking back at him. "You're going to have to wake Bumblebee up with noise."

I nodded with a grin he shouldn't trust. Oh, I think I know what I'll do. Ratchet may be a _little_ miffed at my choice in high-decibel music, but I think it will be worth it. Just a quick stop into the hall closet to grab the portable radio and one of the most obnoxious CDs we own, and I was on my way back up the stairs.

"Here, Optimus got this out of the thing in the garage." I set the container down on my desk.

"Thank you, Samuel." Ratchet nodded.

"Just a warning, I'm about to play some music real loud." I told him casually.

"Watch your head." Was his only reply, and he started to visually analyze the substance. I frowned at the comment, but shrugged it off. After plugging the radio in and turning the music on- with the volume all the way down, I skipped to the middle of the song and paused to put the volume the highest it would go. Setting it on the headboard, above the kid that's only moved an inch since I was last in here, I jabbed at the play button.

Barbie Girl started blaring at the top of her obnoxious lungs, and blue eyes flashed open. The next instant, the radio was rolling on it's side on the ground, halfway across the room with it's cord pulled from the outlet, and I was on the ground with a familiar face threatening over me.

Nobody moved, and it slowly started to dawn on his face what had just happened. Bumblebee eased up, lowering his arm held at an awkward angle like he still had tasers to activate on command on his wrists. His eyes drooped, and he groaned, falling over sideways to the ground.

"I hate youuu." He tried to cover his face up.

I laughed, not realizing anyone could react so cartoon-like to being woken up like that.

"Shut up." He kicked at me. I kicked back.

"Good morning, sunshine."

"I haaate youuuu." He moaned, shoving his face into the carpet.

I couldn't stop laughing. "Come on, you probably broke the radio. Ha! That was awesome."

"I could have broken your _head_." He glared at me, sitting up now and more awake.

"Whatever." I didn't believe him for a second.

"I don't have my guardian protocols. I could have killed you."

"With your wrist? Whatever. Come on, you're the last one up." I was on my feet, offering him a hand. He glared at me, not taking it. "Suck it up, Bee. You may not have all those fancy scanners or anything, but humans aren't completely ignorant subconsciously."

He let me help him up, rolling his eyes.

"Ha ha!" Suddenly an unknown and dangerous sound shifted both of our attentions to the monster in the corner of the room. Bumblebee hid behind me in fear, and I backed us both towards the door in hopes of fleeing before it turned on us. But we were too slow, a 'happy' Ratchet was already turning in the chair to grin at us.

Grin!

"You two, go inform Optimus that I've cracked into the missions database. We'll be returning to normal by the end of the week."

We turned and ran for our lives, fleeing the scene of the would-be crime to leave the terrifying creature long behind us. Never before had something so obscene been seen by human eyes. I don't think I'm ever going to get Ratchet's grin out of my memory.

* * *

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I honestly think I'm terrible at endings, but I don't think I've ever given a story a proper ending. Far too often, I find myself pleased with an open interpretation ending, that could easily be continued and yet stubbornly leaves people wanting proper closure. But it's enough closure to satisfy me, and if I attempt to go beyond my own satisfaction, I come to hate the ending, and it feels like it drags on too much. My closure is more abstract that literally saying, "Blah blah blah they figure it out blah blah blah they're back to normal blah blah the end." I can't do it.

So instead, if you didn't get what this ending is implying... it's implying that with Ratchet now having full access to everything he needs and Optimus working constantly to figure the remains of the trap, they easily figure it out. If you want to, go ahead and picture them walking into the garage one at a time, then driving out in their alt forms, Sam's parents super relieved to have the house back, and Sam having to get a new computer because his has now been flagged for hacking top-secret government databases.

The End.

Please, tell me how I did.


End file.
